Why I’m not an artist

My Mum and Dad have always done well on decorating the yard.. my Mum is the one who has the aesthetic/artistic input and my Dad does all the structural work, like retaining walls, pergolas etc.  It works really well for the most part as long as the roles do not cross over.

When this does happen, however, and Dad climbs out of his engineering mindset to try his hand at artwork, chaos ensues.  My Dad, God bless him, really doesn’t have an eye for art, and the following pictures are a small example of his attempt at embellishing their garden statues as I discovered on my visit today.

It has also confirmed in me where I get my own lack of artistic ability from.  I always wondered why, no matter how much I worked with the flowers in the vase, they still looked just as dumped in the container as when I unwrapped them from the shop, or no matter how much I fiddle with my hair, it still ends up looking like it did if I just put it up in a pony tail with a hair elastic.  I also find doing art with the kids quite a stressful undertaking.

I had long suspected I could rest on my laurels, happy with my own inadequate capacity to express myself artistically, until I visited my parents today.

My Dad had recently renovated a table and chairs, painting the tabletop in a bright fire-engine red, which goes well with the predominantly white decor at my parents.  He then made the fatal mistake of going from a practical task to trying to express himself in a more artistic manner.  Mum wasn’t home at the time.  This is what happenned…

Firstly, the “Squashed Tomato”..

Would you like a squashed tomato, little Dutch boy??
It’s a bit old and squishy, but I am sure it will taste nice..
Ooops ! Sorry for spilling some tomato juice on your arm..

Secondly, the “Walking through Broken Glass” sculpture..

Oh dear, I seem to have blood all over my toenails.. I think my owner thought he painted my toenails but used a mop instead of a small, teeny tiny brush
Thank you for rubbing my face as you try and kiss away the pain of my head injury

And lastly, the “Shark Attack Doves”

Hello Dovey, how did you fare? Do you think our owner thought it was Halloween and we would look better with blood splatters??
I am glad our owner's wife made him try and sand off the worst of the red.. but it still remains in lots of the nooks and crannies.
I am glad our owner’s wife made him try and sand off the worst of the red.. but it still remains in lots of the nooks and crannies.  Now I just look like I have had the tips of my wings in a bloodbath.
Maybe it will wear off with time??
Maybe it will wear off with time??

So, now I am afraid.. once I hit the 70+ mark, will I start wandering around the yard looking for things to splat paint on to ?  Will I break free from my self-imposed restraint, knowing my artistic limitations, and start painting things just to use up the last bit of paint in the tin??

Beware all ye sinners, for if it can happen to my Dad, it can happen to anyone.  You have been warned.



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