From the Coalface {SQT} DIY Saints

Quite some time ago, waaay back in March (can you believe it’s October already??) at the Liturgically appropriate hour on the Feast of St Patrick, Catholic Cravings presented some great tips on how to DIY your own Irish Saint. With the upcoming Feast of All Saints approaching, it seemed an appropriate time to extrapolate further on this theme.  After a period of reflection which did not involve alcohol only because I am so hopeless at staying awake if I have even half a glass of wine, the inspiration came upon me like the morning dew.  I present to you:

Saint Carumba

St Carumba takes his name from a blend of 2 great Irish saints’ names:  St Columba and St Carthage.

St Carumba is patron saint of true Catholic manliness and is  best known for:

  1. Pipe smoking miracles:  While the smoking a pipe one evening, a passerby noticed St Carumba was levitating above the roof of the house with his pipe, puffing away quite contentedly.  The cry was raised and many came out to witness this remarkable event.  When later asked about the incident, the Saint remarked, “It was a great tobacco and reflected the goodness of the Almighty”.  It was St Carumba whom Blessed Pier Giorgio turned to for the right technique when learning as a young man the finer points of the pipe. piergiorgio
  2. Brewers day Blessings: Invoked for many years by those engaged in the task of home brewing beer, there is a special blessing related to the time when the saint changed the monastery water into a boutique ale simply through the recitation of the Memorare, remembering the intercession of Mary when Her Son changed water to wine,  while the Saint’s eyes were looking longingly towards Heaven.  The blessing takes a number of forms but always includes the Memorare, and a prayer such as “Dear Carumba who worked such wonders in your lifetime, grant this ale the power to heal all bodily and spiritual ills, but most importantly to never let us forget to Thank our Maker who has given us such a brew for our consolation in this vale of tears.  Amen”

    One of Carumba’s contemporaries, although beardless, still revelled in the Saint’s ales.
  3. Beard growing :  If you have difficulty with growing a beard, turn to St Carumba who was renowned for a beard which grew thick and curly and never needed to be trimmed.  It was widely believed that angels trimmed his beard in his sleep and kept it combed, as he never awoke looking dishevelled nor ever required a haircut.

  4. Home repairs and improvements:  St Carumba was widely acclaimed as the wonder-worker in the monastery for repairing any manner of problems.  For instance, no running water was available in the kitchen, so the saint constructed an ingenious method of water supply using the assistance of the local resident turkeys who would swallow mouthfuls of water from the nearby stream, run up to the kitchen and regurgitate them into a special trough which flowed into the kitchen.  Not only did it fix the water supply problem, but visitors would comment on the pure taste of the water and its ability to even heal boils and other malodorous skin conditions.  Next time you are seeking help with a home maintenance problem, seek St Carumba’s help and see what happens.

    It was often mentioned Carumba would be overheard conversing with that other very gifted handyman, St Joseph
  5.  Rescuing small children from harm:  Always the protective type, local children would flock to be near St Carumba whenever he would venture into the local village.  He once saw a child climbing a tree and managed to travel over a kilometre in less than 5 seconds in order to be there just as the child began to fall off the branch it had climbed out upon.  He often exhorted the children to turn to their Guardian Angels and would recite the simple Guardian Angel prayer with them.angel_of_god
  6. Listening to women:  A true shepherd and gentleman, St Carumba would spend hours listening to all the small details of the village women’s lives, while sitting on the front porch of the monastery, quite often staring off reflectively into the distance.  Never known to snore out loud, it was widely suspected he had perfected the art of sleeping with his eyes open, however, these claims were never substantiated.
  7. The Man Cave.  Ever wondered who invented the “man cave”?  Look no further, in the tradition of the great man-caves begun by St Paul the First Hermit, St Carumba had a special cave carved into the side of the hill a fair distance from his monastery.  Here he would retreat after some particularly long sessions of listening to women on his front porch, and contemplate the Divine Silence which was so lacking in his porchside interactions.  Aaaah.  The Serenity!
    St Paul the First Hermit


    Linking up with Kelly at This Ain’t the




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